Saturday night, J and I watched the UFC fights together. I know what you're thinking. And, yes, usually J tends to dictate what we watch on TV, but I actually do like watching the fights. It's kind of a sick thing for me.
I also have a tendency to laugh at people when they fall or run into things.
But I ALWAYS make sure they are OK!
Well, OK...as soon as I stop laughing I make sure they're OK.
But still....it's the thought, right?
So with that in mind, this is my take on the UFC fights.
The first fight was between Nate what-his-nose and Guida something.
Or should I say whats-his-ears. Seriously, the kid has some big ears!
And what was with Guida's hair?! Was he trying to look like a neanderthal?
The fight was pretty boring. Guida was all over Nate like a monkey (hhmmm, maybe that's the look he was going for) but he never did any damage, (I kept picturing Nate saying "Dude, get OFF me!") so I was surprised that it went to Guida in decision. Especially since he showed a clear lack of manners by burping between every round!! Gross!! Dude, you're on national TV! Act like a grown up!
The next fight was between Karo and Dong (seriously, that's his name!) I don't have much to say about this one. There was no blood on the mat, so it was pretty much a boring fight. It went to decision. I forget who won.
I should mention here that J was telling me about each fighter before the matches. He's so sweet, he thinks I'm gonna remember all that for my blog, or worse, write it down.
Clearly I didn't.
After a bit, he just started to sound like the teacher from Charlie Brown (wah, wah, wah, wah) but he did try.
The third fight was between Bonnar and Jones. It was here that I started to wonder how fighters get their nick-names. I mean, "The American Psycho" Bonnar? Seriously? More like "Mr. Rogers" Bonnar, or "Mild Mannered" Bonnar. He looks like you're average Joe neighbor. Just a nice guy. But then again, so did Ted Bundy. Hmm, maybe that is a good nick-name for him in a weird-six degrees of separation-kind of way.
Where was I? Oh yeah... the fight was boring, and went to decision AGAIN! Jones won.
These people know we paid money to see a fight, right?!
The next fight was between tattoo guy and guy-with-eyes-on-his-butt. At this point, I have become bored and I was folding laundry. So I was a bit distracted and my mind began to wander. This is a small sample:
I wonder who picks the song they walk in on...They should really do away with all that nonsense, it just takes up too much time...Who writes up what the announcer says about each fighter, if it's the fighter, clearly some have a much bigger ego than they deserve....They should run the whole thing more like a three ring circus. Once one fight is over, the lights dim on that ring and they move quickly on to the next ring where the fighters are already in the ring waiting to fight. The announcer says something like "this is Bob and This is Joe. OK, fight" . And if the winner takes too long "thanking" everyone he ever met than the theme music playes and they cut the mic. Wow, would that go a lot faster, then I wouldn't have to stay awake 'til all hours. Oh, I think I'm onto something here, I should write Dana White a letter. I'm sure he'll listen to me...
Tattoo guy won that fight with a nice knockout punch to eyes-on-his-butt guy right at the end of the first round (I think it was the first round. Whatever). I mean right at the end of the round! Like, as the bell was ringing. I thought it was kinda unfair, really. Here's poor eyes-on-his-butt guy, thinking the round is over and he can relax for a sec, when BAM!, the next thing he remembers is wondering why everyone is cheering and he's laying on the ground. Ah, well.
The next fight was the main event between Penn and St. Pierre. I should tell you that I can not stand BJ Penn! I think he is a giant butt! He's arrogant, rude, spoiled and...well...I can't think of any more adjectives right now, but you can add your own here_______. J was sure that Penn was going to win.
I tried to tell him how wrong he was, but you know men.
He was all "No, Penn is gonna kick GSP's butt!! blah, blah, blah"
Clearly I am much better at calling fights!
Still, I was disappointed in the fight. I was expecting more of a brawl, and it was just a bad beat down. I don't think Penn knew what to do! I could tell in the first round he was in trouble. He had a "holy crap!" look on his face almost the entire fight.
That is, when he was forming coherent thoughts.
Because after a while, he was probably just thinking "ow, ow, ow, ow...etc."
In the end, Penn's brother put a stop to the fight. I think it was the end of the 3rd or 4th round.
And then, the weirdest victory celebration I have seen in the ring ensued. GSP and some guys from his corner all locked arms and sang while doing some kind of Lord of the Dance thing.
Yeah. Not sure what all that was about.
My favorite fight of the night was my baby boy B against his arch nemesis, Giant Stuffed Potato Head. I'm proud to say that B won over and over again, taking his shirt off each time to fight and then putting his shirt back on when he won.
'cause, you know, that's what the fighters do!
So there ya'll have it. My version of what really happened on the UFC fights.
Admit it, mine was way better than J's.
Just kidding, hon.
If you want pics and statistics and boring stuff like that (like, you know, names) you should visit J's blog at www.the-bone-breaker.blogspot.com
Shroud of Eternity [Book Review]
2 weeks ago